The scene has come to a close. Princess is prostrate on the bed, her eyes glazed over and a smile lingering on her lips. I hang up my implements and come to lie on my side next to her. She rolls over into fetal position, tucked in the space between my knees and chest. I pull a blanket over us and rest my chin on the top of her head, feeling our breath slow together into a restful cadence. I am dropping out of dom space.
The air around me changes, the electricity is subsiding. No longer does the slightest noise from Princess prick my ears or the smallest movement catch the corner of my eye. All of the primal energy I felt during the scene has evaporated, leaving me bare and vulnerable in the warm, safe space between Princess and I. The only thing that exists now is our embrace and everything is perfectly still. All of the emotions that I pushed away during the scene to make room for my sadism, the love and sadness and joy and pain, come rushing back to me. My heart swells and recedes in waves of overwhelming emotion and utter hollowness. This is my top drop.
Top Drop Defined
Top drop is the low period a dom feels after dropping out of the dom space experienced during a BDSM scene. The symptoms of top drop differ for each dom, but the most common are as follows:
– rush of vulnerable emotions; as doms come out of dom space, they may experience a wave of intense emotions that were blocked during the BDSM scene.
– sense of emptiness or apathy; in the aftermath of heightened perception and intuition for their sub, a dom may have feelings of apathy as they come out of dom space.
– physical and mental depletion; after exerting a high level of energy for a scene, doms may feel a sense of mental or physical exhaustion.
– feelings of guilt; a dom may feel guilt or concern for having hurt their sub, especially after a heavy BDSM scene.
– depression; a very low period can follow the rush of feel-good hormones that accompany a BDSM scene.
I imagine that top drop is somewhat similar to sub drop, which is the experience of subs dropping out of sub space. However, while subs may experience anxiety, loneliness, or sensory depletion, doms are more prone to feelings of guilt, love, and depression.
Managing Top Drop
I have found that the key to managing my top drop is to identify what I need in order to get useful aftercare from myself and my sub. Princess has written a post about about identifying your aftercare needs as a sub, the techniques of which can be useful to doms as well. I recommend giving it a read.
There are also a few dom-specific tips that have worked to help me overcome and mediate my experience of top drop.
– ask for affirmation from your sub; I let my sub know that I need reassurance, appreciation, and genuine kindness following a BDSM scene. Of course, I also need to be respectful of her aftercare needs. I’ve found that it works best to figure out our aftercare needs together, using the techniques of this article, to find out what will feel best for us both.
– return to your body; sometimes I take a hot shower to come back into myself (a cold shower might also work), or I drink some water (tea might also be good, if you’re into it), and I also explore other sensory options that help to gently return me to my body.
– debrief, debrief, debrief; I like to spend a dedicated period of time reflecting on the aspects that I did and did not enjoy about a scene. I find that this helps bring me out of top drop and back into a safe space of reflection and self-inventory. I recommend taking as much time as possible, both alone and with your sub, to talk through what worked and what didn’t work. This is how we grow.
Be kind to yourself and do not be scared to feel the feels. As always, if you have any questions about this post or anything else, feel free to reach out to me via Instagram DM.
Thank you for reading, cum again soon.
– The Butch Daddy
Disclaimer! Articles on this blog are written from a place of exploration, not expertise. I do not speak with absolute authority on kink. I hope the articles will serve as conduits through which the queer kink community will continue to become more visible, knowledgable, and accessible. These are my personal experiences and/or researched topics.
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